E23: The Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting with Allie Hill

It hits you in unexpected moments: months before the dorm drop-off, in the grocery aisle, or on a Sunday morning when the house just feels different.

In this episode, I’m talking with Allie Hill, author of The Girlfriend’s Guide to Empty Nesting. Allie and I explore what happens when your kids leave home — and how you can navigate the emotions, rediscover who you are, and begin writing the next chapter of your life.

Allie shares real stories — from tearing up over a box of Goldfish crackers to finding purpose again through coaching. Together, we talk about:

• Why this transition often begins before your child leaves home
• How to prepare emotionally (even though you can’t fully prepare)
• What it means to rebuild a sense of identity beyond motherhood
• How to hold both pride and sadness as your child grows up
• Practical ways to find joy, curiosity, and purpose in midlife

If you’re entering or already in the empty-nest years, this episode is for you. You’ll find encouragement to feel everything, space to imagine what’s next, and inspiration to build a life that fits who you’re becoming.

Connect with Allie Hill
📘 The Girlfriend’s Guide to Empty Nesting
🌐 Website: alliehillcoaching.com
📸 Instagram: @alliehillcoaching

Connect with me, Angie Mizzell
💻 angiemizzell.com
📖 Read my memoir, Girl in the Spotlight
💌 Subscribe to my weekly newsletter, Hello Friday
🎙️ Follow me on Instagram: @angiemizzell

Transcript

Allie Hill (00:00)
It can hit you at any moment. people try to prepare for the dorm drop off. No, there are many moments along the way, both before drop off or before they depart and after. And you can prepare and you're still gonna be hit with real emotion.

And if it doesn't feel terrible, I want to let your listeners know that's okay too. If you can't wait for this stage of life, you're just as normal as those of us who were slightly devastated.

So if there are any listeners that are like, that's how I feel, like I don't know what I'm gonna do, I will give you some steps. Like you maybe can't prepare, but there are things that you can do to ease into the process and to make it a little bit less jarring,

Angie Mizzell (00:55)
Hi everyone, I'm Angie Mizzell and welcome to More Like You. Today's episode is for those empty nesters or the soon to be empty nesters and this is also an episode that you will want to share with a friend. If you know anyone out there who is entering this season of life, it is like no

through sharing our stories, sharing the tips and the wisdom that we pick up along the way, it's how we all collectively make it through.

I started writing, blogging actually, sharing stories about my life on the internet when my oldest child was two years

is now a sophomore in college.

Recently, when he was home for a weekend, he encouraged me to keep telling stories about my life, to keep talking into this microphone. And it was...

the encouragement that I needed to keep going because I am in a season of life where I'm looking at everything I'm doing and evaluating what still fits as my kids start to get older and I'm growing and changing and constantly on this journey to become more like

that's just the little reward you get when your tiny little baby starts to turn into a real live adult. At first, it kind of feels like you're going through a portal and you don't know where you're going or where you'll end up. But then you start to see this little light and your child is not only becoming an adult and you're realizing.

that you really like them, that they're very cool, this person that they're growing into, but you also realize that they see you as a person too.

Today my guest Alli Hill and I are talking about how it feels to go through that portal.

is the author of the Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting and she has some wonderful tips to help you and all of us get to the other side. Listen in.

Angie Mizzell (03:00)
I came across your work online through a mutual connection, Robin Berlinsky She is a wonderful friend of mine who lives here in Charleston and she's doing great work in the nonprofit space and education. And she was on Instagram one day promoting you and your book, The Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting. And I jumped in the comments immediately. I'm like, I need to have Allie on my

So let's start by telling everyone about your book and then we'll go back and talk about your story and how you got where you are.

Allie Hill (03:36)
Perfect. Well, thank you and shout out to Robin. So the Girlfriend's Guide, I have a little copy here just for a visual. Girlfriend's Guide to Empty Nesting was born out of...

My coaching practice, kind of combining coaching and my career before being a coach was journalism. So I had coached clients over and over and I was getting the same questions and I felt like even through Instagram you can only answer so many questions and I'd always wanted to write a book. So I had been writing another book, kind of like a memoir.

a biography, memoir, something, but I was so sick about writing about myself specifically. And then one day I woke up and I'm like, wait a minute, what we need, what I needed was a book that helped empty nesters. It's what I wish I'd had six years ago when my daughter went to college. So that's where that came from.

Angie Mizzell (04:37)
What I think is so interesting about this is that the need was revealed to you. Like the problem that we're all facing or where we need guidance and support, it showed up to you and then you answered that call. So I wanna go back in time to, let's talk about your story. Take us back to the moment that it hits you.

Allie Hill (04:52)
Yeah.

Okay.

Angie Mizzell (05:05)
My daughter is growing up and she is not going to live in this house with me anymore.

Allie Hill (05:12)
think there were a series of moments. mean, if my daughter were to tell the story, she would say, my God, like my mom was so embarrassing starting when I was a sophomore in high school. I grieved early. I would have moments. my daughter loves to tell the story of how we were driving. I think she was a sophomore, junior in high school.

John Denver comes on, it's the song, Leaving on a Jet Plane. It's ridiculous, I get a lump in my throat right now. Like I say, leaving on a jet plane and I'm like, and I just burst into tears and I think John Denver has some significance to me and my family. We grew up in Aspen in Colorado, but I could also just picture my daughter and her friend was in the car leaving and it just,

I think that's the thing to know. It can hit you at any moment. It isn't one giant, like people try to prepare for the dorm drop off. No, there are many moments along the way, both before drop off or before they depart and after. And you can prepare and you're still gonna be hit with real emotion.

So that was one. There was another one after. After my daughter had, we dropped her off. was a couple weeks later. We were in King Super's, our grocery store. I was just doing the usual haul, know, getting the eggs and the almond milk and all of that. I turned down aisle seven,

And then I see the giant box of goldfish and I'm just caught short because that was her snack. literally I was out for the count. I was sobbing in aisle seven, I had the realization, oh my gosh, no more buying of goldfish.

Angie Mizzell (07:02)
Mm-hmm.

Allie Hill (07:03)
She's not coming home. She's not coming home tonight, this next week, in a month, in probably a couple months. And it just hit me sideways. So there were a series of those. ⁓

Angie Mizzell (07:13)
you

I can relate to this grief process and the awareness of the loss coming early. I, like you, I'm a former journalist and then when I was transitioning in my career, I started blogging and I've always written about my life and at that time I was writing through the lens of being a mom to little kids. And I became aware of how much I just loved this season of life.

And because I'm a writer and introspective, I also recognized I'm not going to be in this stage forever. So my moment was when I was at Target and I saw a young mom like fold up the stroller and throw it in the trunk of the car. And at that time, all of my kids were still at home, but I was out of that stage and it hit me.

I also tried to always have an identity outside of being a mom. And yet, when the first one leaves home, and then I imagine it's just gonna be another cycle and then another because I have two more still at home, it is just this grieving process that I was shocked. I knew I would be sad, but I felt so out of sorts. Like, what am I doing with my life?

even though I had plenty to do and plenty going on. So this feeling of being lost, I don't know if we can fully prepare for it. We just have to live through it. And what I love about your message and the things I've seen from your website is what a lot of parents started telling me. It's going to feel terrible and then it will get better.

Allie Hill (08:59)
And if it doesn't feel terrible, I want to let your listeners know that's okay too. If you can't wait for this stage of life, you're just as normal as those of us who were slightly devastated. So there is no right or wrong way to do this journey if you are a preparer like me.

and want to get like the cheat sheet for how to do this, I'll give it to you and know it's gonna go right out the door because real life you can't dress rehearse tragedy or...

scenarios in advance because real life is real life and different emotions come up. even though I had found a therapist, I dragged my poor husband, I'm like, we need therapy, we're not gonna be okay. I had done so much work individually and as a couple.

And yet I was taken out at the knees when my daughter, I have one child, when my daughter Izzy went away to college, she took all the stuff with her, but she also packed my identity, my heart, and my reason for getting up in the morning. And that, ⁓ six years later, still ⁓ gets me. I'm like, how could I have created that kind of life? I knew better.

And just was, and it's okay. So if there are any listeners that are like, that's how I feel, like I don't know what I'm gonna do, I will give you some steps. Like you maybe can't prepare, but there are things that you can do to ease into the process and to make it a little bit less jarring,

Angie Mizzell (10:40)
recently one of my girlfriends just sent her only child off to college and her husband is very excited for this daughter. Like he's like, this is great. And she's gone states away, but he's excited for her. And I think even the moms who are grieving are excited and happy for the child. And so you're holding these two.

feelings at once. even so, my friend called us and said, we need, I want you all to gather to celebrate my birthday. And she was talking about how she was like, I just miss my daughter. And there was one friend who was encouraging her, but that particular friend had a completely different experience. So she was ready for the daughter to leave only because they had reached a point.

in their relationship and her need for independence that the mother saw. This is time for you to go to college, to have your own space. And it seems like she transitioned into that in a totally different way. And I just think it's important that you brought that up, that there there's not one right way to feel about this, whether you're feeling kind of devastated or you're really happy or you're somewhere in the middle. It's all normal.

Allie Hill (11:59)
It's all normal and I think we do a huge disservice to ourselves to compare, especially to our friends, to the ones who we think we're gonna go through it exactly the same with.

If you can think back to when you had your kids and they were little and you were doing all the things, it wasn't the same then, there. Some made the team, some didn't. Some got the great grades, some didn't. You're not gonna have the same experience as your best friend with her kid or your sister or your sister-in-law. And so I think that helped me, realizing that and realizing...

Everybody's gonna have their own journey. And then how can I make my journey livable? how can I create this next best chapter? That's what I'm going for, both for myself and for clients or other people, other emptiness moms that I talk to.

Angie Mizzell (12:51)
How did you get through it?

Allie Hill (12:54)
I wanted to be funny and say like a lot of prozac or something, but you know, truthfully, I want to like really be really real and raw. Not well. Like I just, that's why I do what I do. Not well at all in the beginning. I was flat out devastated.

Oddly at that same time I had a friend who sent me an email about life coaching. This is literally like the same month that my daughter went to college. So I signed up. It was Martha Beck life coaching 2017. I did it and what it provided for me was a reason to get up in the morning. It gave me structure to the day. That's what I needed. I needed something to, I need to go on calls. I needed to

show up for other people. I didn't use that life coaching certification for three more years until I did a whole nother certification before. You know that whole imposter syndrome you need to feel like an expert. I was doing it more as a life vest as

I was just clinging to something, but it helped give me some great mindset tools. So what I would say is find a reason, find another reason to get up in the morning while you're feeling all the emotions.

You can feel sad, you can feel mad, you can feel anxious, worried, purposeless, and you can feel really prideful and excited and happy for your child. You can hold all of those at the same time, which I didn't know before life coaching, but I think that's really, that's a huge thing to know and to realize.

Angie Mizzell (14:35)
Did you join this program to be coached or to become a coach? Did you know where this was going when you registered?

Allie Hill (14:44)
Yeah.

2017, absolutely not. That was literally a life raft. That was, please save me, give me some tools so that I can help myself. And then three years later when I went through another life coaching program, again, it was, I'm ready to do something with my life, but I didn't know it was gonna be for emptiness moms. It wasn't until I married life coaching and,

What I knew I needed help with myself, that I put them together, did I find like a purpose in a calling?

Angie Mizzell (15:21)
And let's talk again about the life raft. What were the things that you were learning and how are you developing? You spoke to just needing to be on a call and having something that you've invested in that you are accountable to and that brings a sense of purpose to your days. But what was happening to you as you were doing these programs?

Allie Hill (15:47)
keeping the commitments was really big. So having a reason to get up in the morning, there were probably four or five calls plus homework plus videos to watch plus interactive coaching. really, was like I went back to school in a way and.

Also, I had to be my best self with other people. I was learning not only those basic things, calendaring, my gosh, and the tech. I had been out of the workforce for so long. So even learning Zoom and just, you know, all those things. That was long before I was doing Instagram. But also keeping those commitments to

had to go on a call every morning Tuesday at 10 for one year I never missed that call I was never late for that call I don't think I'd ever showed up for myself in such a way before and it really gave me the confidence that

I would do that for my daughter, of course. She'd be at every practice or every game or something or anything she needed. But I'd never done that for me. And that really was a huge pivot and turning point

Angie Mizzell (17:00)
So how are you helping moms today and what are the biggest challenges that you're seeing that they're bringing to you and how are you helping them through those things?

Allie Hill (17:13)
I like to reach in my back pocket and give up permission slips And say here, I want to give you a permission slip to feel how you're feeling

But then I love the next step, dreaming and scheming. again, I have large back pockets. I reach back and I pull out this magic wand and I'm like, okay, here we go. If money, time, other people's opinions, everything was not a problem or an obstacle,

What would you like to do? Who would you like to be? What would you like to experience? What would you like to create? And to tell you the truth, Angie, it never quite goes how I'm envisioning it in the moment because much as I was, you know, seven years ago, it's kind of deer in the headlights.

Angie Mizzell (18:05)
Mm-hmm.

Allie Hill (18:05)
It's

like dreaming and scheming sounds so fun to me as the fairy godmother, but for the person I'm trying to do that with initially, they have a moment of, I have absolutely no idea.

And that's normal. Honestly, if a genie popped out of the bottle and was like, Ali, I can grant you three wishes, I would be like, okay, okay, okay. I would probably take three years to get around to figuring out what that was. But if we then, if I bring it in smaller, smaller, smaller, and I go,

let's talk about who are you now and who do you wanna be? Who are you now? Are you a tea drinker or a coffee drinker? Are you a person who likes long, hot bubble baths or showers? And I kind of go through this list of questions because so many moms

Angie Mizzell (18:51)
Hmm.

Allie Hill (19:04)
have reverted to their default of what's most convenient, what works for the family, ⁓ is a reflection of their old life. But when I say, okay, that's great, everybody took showers, like the fastest, quickest shower you could to get out the door. Maybe you're not gonna change your ⁓ coffee or tea preference, but like for instance, I drink matcha now. Who knew there was matcha?

People, moms especially, don't know about all the other options. They've never thought about themselves and all the possibilities. So when we kind of break it down into little things and I have them grab their journal and have them think about these questions as they go through their day, you know, do they want to be a night owl or are they a morning person? It used to all be default.

What would they like to do going forward? This is where we begin.

Angie Mizzell (20:03)
I had two thoughts about this as you were giving that answer. On one hand, sometimes we don't know what we want because we're still in the grief process and we are just still, it's like, well, what do we want? Well, I just want things to be the way they were. I want all my kids little and living in my house again. And so I imagine there has to be a period of grieving that and getting to...

maybe some layer of acceptance that you can start to reconcile this is the way life is now. But the other important point you made is that because moms especially shape shift to make their family work and to make the whole machine work and that is how we lose ourselves. know, even if we're not trying to be a martyr, we have to, we have a.

a role to play in this family and keeping it going. a lot of that is adapting to what is the schedule. Like I didn't create the kids school schedule and all these things you have to adapt to. So that is so interesting for women to realize it could be multiple things that have separated you from who you are And there's really no shame in it. Like we shouldn't be ashamed that our immediate reaction might be.

I don't know.

Allie Hill (21:28)
I don't know is not only a valid answer, it's the right answer. Because when did you have time to think about these things before? Very few, very few people come to me and say, I know exactly what I wanna do. Otherwise they're not looking for help for me. No, the real answers I don't know. And hopefully the second answer is, but I'm interested in finding out. Adding curiosity to this.

Kind of, I'm not gonna take away your fear or your uncertainty or the feeling of nervousness or any of that, but what I can add into is maybe a little excitement, open to the possibilities. Being wide open and curious is a great way to start this process.

Angie Mizzell (22:20)
Yes, and you also helped me. You're coaching me. I don't know if you realized it, but you actually are because I, now that one is out of the house most of the time, he's in college, and my other two are teenagers, there's a little bit more freedom to move about my days and my weeks. It's still busy. And there's still things that anchor the days, and it's usually around the school schedule.

But because I have a little more room, I am starting to think about what do I do in my day that is a self-imposed routine that might not be working for me anymore? Because I value routines. And it's like you have to get up and do this and this and this and this order. But I'm starting to pull back and go, is that way of being that I set up for myself working for me now?

It's very disorienting because on one hand it feels self-indulgent or something, but I'm like, as long as I'm getting the things done that I know need to get done, I have to create room to figure it out. But it's very, it can leave you feeling out of sorts is what I'm saying.

Allie Hill (23:36)
Absolutely, and so many of the moms I talk to say when we go through this process that it feels selfish to be thinking about themselves. But what I say is, okay, feel that for a second and make a little room for, this is how I like to frame it because this is what worked for me. When I think about still serving my daughter while figuring out myself,

that works for me. I was so focused on her for 18 years that when I think, you know what? I really wanna be a great role model for her. I really wanna show my daughter that life didn't end when she went to college for me as the mom.

I want to show her that I there's a lot more to me than just being a mom because I want there to be more than me. There are plenty of people who only want to be great moms and great grandmas and I'm not taking away from that but if you had any interest in doing something else or if you think you might think about the role modeling. I think it's really important to say that when your kids go off to college

They want to know that their mom's okay. They want to know like if you are having a nervous breakdown or you're clinging to them or you're absolutely devastated and they can't see the excited for them part and that you're gonna be okay, they're gonna carry that with them.

And so to that extent, the more you can do a teeny bit of exploration, or as I call it, the dreaming and scheming, the what if, what was I interested in? You know, I have...

friends, have client stories where they're so surprised at like, listen, life coaching was never on the schedule for me. Like that's the last thing I would have thought. The writing the book, that was always a dream. I didn't know if I'd ever do it, but like I love to think about this one client, Julie, who had no idea what she was going to do.

she just dabbled in cooking and doing things like that. But when she would bring her appetizers to like pickle ball and to her kids things, she started to get rave reviews. Well, I believe it was to her son's lacrosse game. She brought some crazy appetizers and meals and the coach and they literally said, okay, that's it. We're hiring you for the next banquets. And so slowly,

Angie Mizzell (26:02)
you

Allie Hill (26:17)
but surely she started to get the confidence maybe this was a business. She is now a private caterer. I love that. Just because she did what she loved. She loved pouring into her food preparation plus it was coupled into serving her kids. I mean, that's the ideal scenario.

Angie Mizzell (26:38)
Mm-hmm.

Allie Hill (26:39)
it's often things that we don't even think about are options for us that can turn into something.

Angie Mizzell (26:46)
It's been my experience that my children, all three of them, they want me when they want me. And it is my I've noticed that when any of them call, but especially the one that's in college, it doesn't matter what I'm doing. I am going to answer that phone and I'm going to be available. But it's two sides of the same coin where they feel more confident and relaxed themselves when they know that

I'm good and I'm thriving in life. Like that actually does help them and striking that balance can be tricky sometimes. But I I'm experiencing this in real time that they seem to be happier when they're sensing that I'm happier. But there's a little bit of there's a letting go that we have to do and trust that it's not it's a different kind of letting go. It's not that they're leaving home and never coming back.

but you do have to release your grip and that's actually how you stay connected.

Allie Hill (27:51)
Yeah, it is, it's funny and when you say release your grip, you're reminding me of when my daughter was in high school. We didn't, I got lucky, I had a really easy kid, like 98 % of the time, like just easy. And as junior year and senior year rolled around and as she sort of. ⁓

Angie Mizzell (28:06)
You

Allie Hill (28:13)
started to get this whiff of independence and like, soon I'll be going to college. This weird thing had started happening to me. I was gripping tighter and tighter and I was becoming more controlling and more and.

And the more I did that, the more she rebelled, the more she'd be like, what are you doing? Like she was getting the ick and I was the ick. And it was so horrible. But I didn't have the wherewithal. I didn't know then what I was doing. Of course I...

Angie Mizzell (28:40)
Mm-hmm.

Allie Hill (28:43)
through my lens, was all protection and you know, how I'm going to keep you safe and know that bad things happen after midnight and all of that. But if I could go back and do it now, I would do it differently. And I will tell you, like share with you, one funny story. was senior year.

And she always had a gaggle of girls come over. It was really fun. She always had four to six girls, you know, spend the night. And I, you know, known these girls forever, for Izzy's whole childhood. And once they started, you know, to have cell phones, I did this thing. It's so embarrassing. I did this thing since sixth grade or seventh grade, whenever they got them. I'd have a basket and I would have them all put their cell phones in the basket.

and they'd have their sleepover. I never adjusted. They were seniors in high school. I'm still coming out with a basket. And Izzy looks at me and was like, okay, mom.

I gotta tell you, I'm gonna be in college in three months. There are gonna be no rules. There's gonna be no one taking my phone, no one telling me what time to come in. No, she sat me down and gave me the prep talk and said, about ⁓ you let us practice monitoring our own phone stuff? it's kind of like, so embarrassing. was like, okay, that actually makes a lot of sense.

I hadn't adjusted and there were so many things along the way that the one thing I did say to her, because she did have another talk with me, ⁓ when she was a freshman, she did sit me down at parents weekend and said, okay, can you stop calling me and texting me all the time?

Is there any way we could like, just if you could dial it down just a little bit, like I get it, you worry about me on weekends, you wanna know that I'm safe.

Can we just, I wanna take your calls. I don't wanna be mean to you. And I said, okay, yes, yes, thank you for telling me and I will do a better job. And the thing that you need to know, Izzy, is I've never done this before. This is my first time. We're doing this as we go. So thank you for communicating that I'm bugging you and let me communicate back that I'm scared out of my ever living mind that you are states away,

can't

protect you. I've never not been able to be there within 30 seconds and I'm having a hard time and I'll do better if you can just give me the little home text when you're back at 3 a.m. on Saturday nights. And so is a negotiation. But anyway, gosh, I had to call myself out like a million times.

Angie Mizzell (31:36)
But

I think I have found that conversation where I've never done this before. And this is a learning curve for me can be a very disarming conversation.

I wonder if it's different with sons and daughters. My youngest is my girl, so I will see how it is when she leaves the nest, how often we talk. But with my son,

I was trying not to be clingy, but then I was waiting for the call and my heart is breaking. I've gone a whole week and haven't talked to him and it took a friend telling me, you can actually establish some guidelines for communication. You could say, hey, I really miss seeing you. I'm not gonna be breathing down your neck, but I would like to talk to you, ⁓ whether it's once a week. And he was like, that actually sounds nice.

And now it's fallen into something a little more casual. But we'll go days. But I know that he'll call me and text me if he needs something. And I feel freer to reach out to him if I need to. But it took having that conversation because there's a lot of tension. And if you don't have the conversation, then you don't know how to do it.

Allie Hill (32:52)
Right, I often guide my clients and tell them have these conversations ahead of time before your child goes off and establish the communication. Like, hey, we're gonna do a FaceTime or touch base Sundays at six. And I also give the caveat and just know.

That's gonna go right out the window. You have like there will be a study session at Sunday at 6 But at least you started something and you know be flexible and also let them know like you get to say Hey, I'd to hear from you more often or can I call you like, know You get to say your needs and they get to say theirs. This is where the two-way communication That's a huge shift when they were little it was almost always us

Angie Mizzell (33:13)
All right.

Right.

Allie Hill (33:41)
You know laying the rules of the laying the rules of the land and saying this is how this is going to be When they're independent, it's how does this work for you? This is what I would like How does that land for you? What sounds good to you? And then you know you find something in the middle that works for both of you and it'll change over time

Angie Mizzell (34:01)
I want to have my people at home forever. But I don't think I actually do. But it feels like that. So you're saying that it is possible that there is this is it's possible to love your life once they're once they have all left the nest.

Allie Hill (34:20)
truly believe that and Angie I was exactly the same as you. couldn't imagine loving life any more than when I was very very involved in Izzy's life and being the room mom and the soccer mom and this and that. I just loved it. It was my whole identity and I will tell you honestly I love this chapter more and the reason I think I can say that is

I loved that because I poured my whole heart and soul into her and she's a good kid. She's a very nice human being and she still is. And she's been home for a month dealing with a knee surgery and we've had her and her fiance and her dog and it's a very unique situation.

I get to see her as an adult now doing things and she gets to see me doing things and it's like I don't know it's hard to even describe why it's

Good as I won't say it's better. It's maybe better for me personally because I don't feel so All consumed where I was just giving myself away Entirely there's a little bit more balance. I love seeing in her eyes. Wow mom. That's so cool You you do this. That's amazing and then I can say yeah, but the clothing line you actually design We have now become great friends ⁓

I always thought we were friends, I wore the mom hat so, like my mom hat was this big. It was huge, it took up the whole room because that was my identity. Now we both have the adult hats. Listen, I've been playing 100 % mom for the last month.

feeding, medication, ice, chores, doctor's appointments, everything. I'm right back into, you know, when she was little and I've been enjoying it. She'll leave later this week. And there's a part of me that my heart is heavy and I'm looking forward to it. You can hold both.

Angie Mizzell (36:35)
Mm-hmm.

You can definitely hold both. I'm finding, I still call my son a baby adult, but I'm starting to see him less like my tiny baby. Sometimes I see him. I see the tiny baby inside of him, but I'm seeing him as the adult he's becoming. And I really like this adult. It's a very cool person to know. And I'm still mom, but he's also seeing me as the person because

he has freedom. I'm not like controlling his every move, you know, and saying when he can come home, you know, just different things like that. And that has been an interesting transition. And I will tell you that I do like that. And I think once we get more acquainted with each other in this new phase, it will be nice. Yeah.

Allie Hill (37:28)
Yeah, I mean what a gift to be able to meet your son or daughter where they are and be like, and be curious again that, you know, that trait. Wow, so what are you interested in now? What's going on for you? And that they can look at you with fresh eyes, not just the all, you know, the heavy mom version of you, but who is this?

Who is this adult human person that I only thought of as my mom? Maybe she's kind of cool.

Angie Mizzell (37:59)
I appreciate that you are a voice out there for so many moms who just need the support. So how can people find you and start getting acquainted with what you offer them?

Allie Hill (38:14)
I'd love to say start with the book. I think because it is a fun read, it's an easy read, you don't have to read it from, you know, page one to 180.

It kind of is a reference book, but I call out myself in a hundred different stories, and my clients were very lovely in sharing their selves.

I would say that's just an easy lift. Instagram, of course, is where I say it all, so Allie Hill Coaching, or the website. I also do one-on-one coaching. A lot less than I used to, because it's just a time thing, but I so enjoy it. I don't think I'll ever stop that.

Angie Mizzell (38:57)
Allie, it was so wonderful to have you on the show today and I will put all this information in the show notes for everyone. So thanks again.

Allie Hill (39:04)
Thank you, Thank

you. This is such a pleasure.

Angie Mizzell (39:07)
So before we go, I want to share some messages that I got from a few of my readers who are subscribed to my weekly newsletter, Hello Friday. About a month ago, I shared the story in my newsletter about how I had this conversation with Dillon about negotiating how often we communicate when he's off at college. And I titled the newsletter, Ask for What You Want.

And at the end of the newsletter, I asked readers to share any of their advice as it relates to empty

And here's what some of them had to say.

I love this one from Roxanne. She said, I'd say ask for what you want, but then don't take it personally if you get something else. And that is so true. There is a process of communicating what you want, but recognizing that our children, our adult children are able to also express what they want and need. And part of this

navigating this new stage of life is navigating our own disappointment and recognizing that they are free to come and go and make their own choices too. So thank you so much Roxanne for that message.

Also, I love this one from Jude. Jude says, learn right now to start treating them as adults. Start backing out of their business. Don't reveal everything you know. Don't jump to offer advice if they haven't asked for it. Be there, but be the quiet, comforting presence. They'll be so grateful later when you aren't interfering in their relationships or marriage when you have maintained appropriate boundaries. Thank you for that, Jude.

And finally, I appreciated this note from Ann who said, your advice is especially great for those of us who have adult married children of their own. I know they're busy with work and family, but I have never asked if they would at least touch base once a week. I'll do that right now. Thank you, Angie. So I replied to Anne and I said, well, how did it go? And she said it went great.

And this is something that I am learning in the process of learning, but finding that it goes a long way. And it's this, establishing healthy boundaries and also healthy communication. That goes a long way in establishing or reestablishing a relationship with the people that we love the most and not just our children. This can apply to anyone. Have healthy boundaries and talk to them.

So thank you so much for listening to More Like You. I'm Angie Mizzell I am the author of the coming of age memoir Girl in the Spotlight. I'm also the author of the weekly newsletter Hello Friday. You can go to my website angiemizzell.com to learn more about my book and sign up for my newsletter.

I'm also on Instagram at angiemizzell and if you like this podcast, invite you to subscribe, leave a review and share it with other people. Sharing my book, my newsletter, my podcast, my Instagram page, anything that speaks to you that you follow and you enjoy, please share it with others. That is such an important thing that you can do to support my work.

Thanks again for being here We'll see you back here next week.