The Power of Breaking Cycles

In this episode of 'More Like You', Angie discusses the impact of generational trauma and the importance of breaking cycles of pain. Angie emphasizes the significance of trusting one's instincts, seeking help, and the challenges and rewards of doing the work to heal. The conversation is a  message for listeners to take charge of their lives and create positive change.

Takeaways

• The importance of addressing generational patterns of pain.
• Personal stories can illuminate broader societal issues.
• Trusting your instincts is crucial for personal growth.
• Healing often requires support from others.
• Breaking cycles of trauma is a powerful act.
• Self-discovery is a journey that takes time.
• Empowerment comes from recognizing your own strength.
• Change is not linear and requires patience.
• Understanding family dynamics can aid in healing.
• You have the power to create the life you want.

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Transcript

Angie (00:00)
Hey, I'm Angie and welcome to More Like You.

I'm recording this podcast on Wednesday, November 6th, the day after the presidential election. And I knew that regardless of what happened last night, we were going to be surrounded by big feelings today. I knew that the country was going to feel divided. And I wondered for weeks, what I was going to say or do. I wondered

if I would say anything. I wondered if it would be better just to skip the podcast altogether this week.

But I also know that that is a trauma response. that's the part of me that becomes timid and afraid around big feelings, around other people's big feelings.

So as I looked ahead to this week, I just had to settle down my own fears and anxieties and all of that internal noise and external noise. And I had to remember what this podcast is about.

which it's about helping you become more like you. And I can't do that if I don't continue to do the work in my own life to become more like me. So I decided that regardless of the election outcome, whether I was happy with it or not, and regardless of how the country reacted to it, I was going to share some personal stories, stories that feel deeply important

relevant and necessary. And not just a message that I would share today or this week because it's an election week, but anytime. A message that matters to my generation, which happens to be Generation X if you're wondering. A message that I believe matters to the generation that came before me and the generations that come after.

So today's episode is about the power of breaking cycles, the power of deciding that generational patterns of pain, abuse, trauma, ends with you and me. Let's dive in.

mom had me when she was just 18 years old. She got pregnant when she was a senior in high school, and she got married right after her high school graduation. And I was born into a volatile, abusive home. My earliest memories are of me hanging onto my mom's leg in the middle of a fight with my birth father, and I'm trying to save her.

And I suppose, you I'm just trying to stop the anger and the rage that I see coming from my birth father. So their marriage ended when I was three. And it's really important to note that in the theme of my relationship with my mom.

All she really wanted was a better life for me.

and she really pushed me hard in that direction sometimes. And as I got older, I started to notice how angry she would get at me sometimes. And it's whenever she felt like I was about to make the same mistakes she made. It was almost as if my life depended on it.

And I can see now that that is exactly how she saw it. She felt like she had lost so much of her life and in many ways she felt stuck in her situation and she did not want that for me.

So fast forward, I'm 25 years old now, I'm happily married, I am a television news anchor in my hometown of Charleston, South Carolina.

I'd achieved a lot of success at a young age, but not long after that, I started to sense that something was missing. Something felt off. If I've achieved all of this success, shouldn't I feel

This unsettled feeling really starts to escalate when my husband takes a job in Portland, Oregon, all the way across the country.

I write about all of this in my memoir, Girl in the Spotlight. Shawn is already there in Portland, and I've just quit my job, and I'm about to drive cross country to join him.

it's my last day of work at the television station and I went to the general manager's office to tell her goodbye. and here's a paragraph from that scene that I want to read to you.

How could this huge decision feel so right one minute and so completely wrong the next? Sitting in Rita's office, I realized I couldn't reverse this choice. I couldn't bring Shawn back, unpack the house, and get my job back on the morning show. I started to cry. I couldn't help it. I just don't know if I've done the right thing, I confessed. When I stood up to leave, Rita walked me to the door.

Then she stopped and gave me a hug. She looked at me with compassion and said, Angie, you're a smart woman. She lifted her finger gently and she pointed at my chest as if she were tapping me with a magic wand. Trust your heart. It will tell you what to do.

This was the first time I became truly aware of my heart. And when I say heart, I'm talking about something deeper than emotions here. I'm talking about something deep and true within me that was in fact speaking to me. But I was also noticing resistance to it. I could hear this inner voice. I felt it, but I didn't trust it. And why is that even the case?

Why is that true for so many of us? Are we raised to believe that we can't trust our gut instincts? Where do these messages come from and who do they serve?

So back to the story, I'm moving to Portland now. It's moving day. And the twist is my mom is coming too. My mom has decided that she is going to uproot her life in Charleston too. Charleston is home. She's never really traveled anywhere. But now she's moving 3,000 miles away across the country with me.

So she wasn't going to live with us, but the plan was that she was going to start a new life in Portland too.

mom and I were driving across the country separately. We were following each other, but we were driving separately because we had a lot of stuff. And several days into the trip, somewhere in New Mexico, we get in a huge fight. And there's a moment that I'm standing outside of the situation. You know how you're like standing outside of a situation and watching it unfold?

When I went to write this scene, it was the first awareness that I began to have about the cycle of pain that gets passed down from generation to generation and what happens when we don't address the root cause and how it spills over and affects all areas of our lives and all of our relationships. My mom...

away this past June, but she read the book about six months before it came out and it was hard for her to read, but she completely supported it. In one way it showed me the unconditional support she had of me to tell my story,

It also helped me give her story a voice because you can't dive deep into your own story and really get to the emotional truth of it without looking at everybody involved and start to imagine why they acted and reacted the way they did. The truth is we

never know what it's like to walk in somebody's shoes, but we can attempt to

there's a critical scene at the end of my memoir. We're back in Charleston at this point, and I was working at another television station. And Shawn, my husband, he tells me that he's ready for us to try to have a baby.

and I freak out a little bit. Things were really coming to a head at work. I was very stressed. My mental and emotional health was suffering

Later, people who knew me and would see me on television told me that they could tell something was wrong, that I had lost my spark. But in this scene that I'm about to read, this is the final part of the book that I'm gonna share with you today, there was this crack in the door and I started to see the

He wanted to have a family with me. Wasn't that what I wanted too? And suddenly with my own eyes, I saw how he was inviting me into the life I wanted. Now I was standing in my own way.

I knew, as much as I wanted to say yes to Shawn, I wasn't mentally and emotionally healthy enough to grow, birth, and care for a child. But I decided in that moment that one day I would be. I'd lost people that I loved. The world as I knew it had ended time and time again. I worked in a business where I raced against the sands of the hourglass every single day. Yet I'd been walking around like I had all this time to figure it out, time to get it right, time to allow myself to be happy, time to

living a full and joyful life. Instead, I was going through the motions and struggling to make it through the day. It was time for a change.

So that's the point in my memoir, Girl in the Spotlight, where

the story starts moving towards a true

I had all of these unprocessed issues they were holding me captive. But in that moment, I realized that I was the one holding the key.

So, if you've been hurt, if you've experienced loss or pain, or if you've been fed messages by authority figures that no longer serve you or no longer feel true,

if you suddenly feel stuck in an unhealthy pattern, Decide that it ends now.

Decide that it ends with you.

So to all of my cycle breakers out there, I leave you with this. Number one, trust your gut, trust your instincts, trust your heart. If something doesn't feel right, it's probably not. Number two, get help. Don't try to dive into this work of healing on your own. Find a mentor, a therapist, someone you trust. Do the work, but it bears repeating, don't do this work alone.

Number three, be prepared for the fallout. You will lose some things on your path to freedom. Get free anyway.

Number four, when in doubt, go back to number one. Trust your heart, trust your gut, trust your instincts. Change takes time and it's never a straight line.

Number five, step into your power and your peace by walking your own path. Find confidence and solace in knowing

that you are the change that you want to see in the world.

Thank you for listening to More Like You. If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to share it and leave a review. You can order my book, Girl in the Spotlight, from my website, angiemizzell.com and anywhere books are sold. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you back here next Thursday.