E3: The Power of Letting Go

What are you holding on to that you don't want to let go of?

That question changed the direction of my life. In this episode I'm sharing a conversation I had as a guest on the Things You Won't Hear on Sunday podcast with host Joey Svendsen, where we went deep into the themes of my memoir Girl in the Spotlight and the thing underneath all of it: letting go.

Listen to the Full Conversation between Angie and Joey on the Things You Won't Hear on Sunday podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2022274/episodes/14134790

Watch it on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPBgOOzYCiA

Get Angie's Book: Girl in the Spotlight — available in print and audio 

Subscribe to Angie's weekly letter Hello Friday

Instagram: @angiemizzell

Transcript

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Angie Mizzell: [00:00:00] Sometimes we take things into adulthood that have caused pain and scars and trauma, and it's showing up, even in your successful life.

What are the things you're holding on to that you don't want to let go of?

That question stayed with me and it was life changing. 

Leaving my career in TV news, that was step one of healing me

Joey Svendsen: I think the, the letting go that you describe in your book,it represents a general letting go that I think. All of us will need to do with something in order to move on to a more fulfilling season of life,

Angie Mizzell: Imagine carrying a heavy weight, and then someone just taking it out of your hands, and then you feel the relief. That is what we're talking about.

Is my fear of loss. Going to keep me from walking my path. And I finally decided, no,

Hi, I'm Angie Mizzell and welcome to More Like You. This is a podcast where we explore what happens when you step [00:01:00] away from a life you thought you should live and into a life that feels more like you. Today's conversation is with Joey Svendsen. Joey is the host of the Things You Won't Hear on Sunday podcast.

Joey had me on a show last year after my memoir, girl in the spotlight came out and we went deep.I'm sharing a piece of that conversation with you today, specifically the key theme that Joey picked up on, to live a more fulfilling life.

We will inevitably have to let go of something.

Let's dive in. 

It was so neat reading this book, Angie, because not only is it really good, but it's like, I know this family, I know these people, but I don't know what is going to happen.

Joey Svendsen: There is an element to it of you want people to come away Having learned something through your story. So it's almost like it's your life story, but also a very pinpointed Theme.

Is that fair to [00:02:00] say? 

Angie Mizzell: It is filed under biographies, but memoir is the genre and It took me a while to learn this, but memoir is more of a slice of life, so you have to decide what is the theme, what is the takeaway, 

Joey Svendsen: what was the process? When did you first start the book now having done it all? And you look back, like the idea came a long time ago. The idea. When did you actually start? 

Angie Mizzell: When did I start? I started when my, uh, freshman in high school son was in the womb. I'm not kidding. I was not sitting at a. typewriter, typewriter, a laptop. Maybe I started so long ago. My keyboarding class, 

Joey Svendsen: sophomore year of high school, we had typewriters. Right. 

Angie Mizzell: Yeah. Well, that's how I learned, but I guess at that point I had a laptop of some sort, but I was not there for 14 years.

It was working on it, putting it away, working on it, putting it away, learning about how to write memoir. My motivation for writing the story [00:03:00] was not to tell everybody all the sad things that had happened. I thought I'd overcome many of them. Leaving my career in TV news, which is what the story is about, that was step one of healing me because I had to break free from some tangles around identity and self worth.

But then in trying to tell that story, 

Joey Svendsen: you have to go back. 

Angie Mizzell: You have to go back. When I really started to see the parallel of this loss in childhood and how it matched up with kind of a crossroads crisis I was having in my life, I do think it kind of more goes into your subconscious and you don't fully realize what something has done to you, 

Joey Svendsen: right?

Angie Mizzell: Yeah. 

Joey Svendsen: When did you decide to? have the actual back and forth, because I thought that was really awesome. You, you really, for the, at least the first half of the book, you're reading two stories. You're reading your childhood story, and then you're reading in, in the, you know, future, and then it all comes together.

Like, was that something that you thought of right away, or was that like a later decision? 

Angie Mizzell: That's what [00:04:00] took so long. 

Joey Svendsen: Okay. 

Angie Mizzell: In fact, the story started originally in an early draft with the road trip. We're moving to Portland, and then when I started writing it, all the backstory started coming up.

So I really had to think about how am I going to make this work? 

Joey Svendsen: So we're gonna we're gonna jump all over the place 

but before we do that, why don't you give somewhat of a narrative snapshot And then basically the theme of the book. 

Angie Mizzell: I started my career in television news, I had these Big, big dreams never occurred to me. Never occurred to me.

I walk away. And when I finally left, I felt freer. And even as I was going through all of the changes that got me to a place that I could finally walk away, I kept feeling like something's happening. I'm learning things. I'm meeting people who are, they're giving me great advice.

I'm learning a lot of life lessons. My husband realized, he saw me in my journal and he was like, have you ever thought about writing a book? 

[00:05:00] And at first it felt like a story of work life balance, finding your passion. Oh, it's so 

Joey Svendsen: much deeper. It's so much deeper. 

Angie Mizzell: I knew it was that. That's what I had found maybe in the short term, but I knew it was deeper. there are universal threads that I, I worked very hard to pull out so that if anyone is at a crossroads or is just trying to figure out how to be happy in their life or have more joy.

And something I really didn't realize until the end was a lot of it was about the loss and grief that I was carrying. And sometimes we. Take things into adulthood that have caused pain and scars and trauma, and it's showing up, even in your successful life. You know, so I just hope that my story will make people feel something about their own life.

And feel like they can maybe make a brave choice or, 

Joey Svendsen: let some 

Angie Mizzell: things go. Exactly. 

Joey Svendsen: [00:06:00] That's funny. I just wrote letting go. I think I think the, the letting go that you describe in your book, your, your story, it represents a general letting go that I think. All of us will need to do with something in order to move on to a more fulfilling season of life, like there just has to be like, there has to, I think we all we all do that because there's like a certain aspect of life where we're in this mode of what can I do?

What can I produce? You know, what's my resume look like? How many people know who I am? How effective am I? And it takes time and big things to happen for you to get to a place where you're like, Oh, that stuff isn't the most important stuff in life. 

Angie Mizzell: And 

Joey Svendsen: you have to let go in order to do that.

And I, you know, I hate the fact that I think there's probably people that never had anyone to show them how to let go or never went through it. You know, always wanted to go around it. But [00:07:00] yeah, I mean, I think the book represents what we all need to do. 

Angie Mizzell: It took me a while to even put language on how I was trying to feel.

I was like, is this freedom? But is it freedom from work? Is it freedom from a busy job? And, but I think freedom is probably as close as I can get to it, where if you're doing all that in your life, but something feels heavy, and you know, you're carrying something heavy. It's like, what is off? And sometimes it takes a minute to figure out what that is, and it might not just be one thing.

Right. But imagine carrying a heavy weight, and then someone just taking it out of your hands, and then you feel the relief. That is what we're talking about. 

Joey Svendsen: There is, there's a lot of, of spiritual elements in this and I love how it's just, it's just, it's just interwoven.

Like you, you went through a process of losing What you wanted to hold on so badly, but you learned at a deeper level. This isn't what is going to bring contentment. You [00:08:00] you lost it and you gained your soul. 

Angie Mizzell: That's right. I mean, 

Joey Svendsen: and right, like right here in the here and now, like you have lived your life in a way where you have your soul, because you weren't constantly running after the fame.

Like that, that was what you wanted earlier on in life. And you realize, hey, this is, this is not what's going to be fulfilling. I mean, I just think it's huge.

Angie Mizzell: That's right. And I was sensing that the whole time. But that is a major turning point in my story, in my life, was going to church for guidance. The pastor essentially asks, what are your nets? And he took a sermon that I'd heard many times about, the fishermen who drop their fishing nets to follow Jesus so they can have abundant life.

But he turned it on its head where he said, imagine how their identity is so wrapped up in the fact that they catch fish. But imagine, you know, how heavy those nets are. And I just, when he turned to us and said, what are your nets? [00:09:00] What are the things you're holding on to that you don't want to let go of?

That question stayed with me and it was life changing. 

Joey Svendsen: Right. And, your net was to shine in the broadcasting industry and to be famous, to be known. 

Angie Mizzell: You know, and on the surface it was, because when I asked my mom, I'm like, what are my nets?

You know, and my mom said, I think it's your desire to be famous. And I'm like, that's probably true. But I knew it was deeper than that. I had skills and talents that allowed me to do that job well, and I did enjoy it to an extent.

It's about how When I was experiencing loss in my life, I unknowingly started turning to that praise and turning to the spotlight. It's like I'm filling a void here in my life. I know how to get the love that I crave. Right. I'm going to go do some things in the spotlight that make people proud and love me and praise me.

And that is different than, I want to be admired for being famous. That is just, I was craving something and I'm like, well, I know how to get it. [00:10:00] And if I stop doing this, what does my life even mean? I just wanted to be seen and known and validated. that I didn't know how my life would feel meaningful if I wasn't performing in some way.

Joey Svendsen: Right, 

Angie Mizzell: right. And that's what, that was my net. 

Joey Svendsen: Yeah, yeah. And, and you, you said that you realized at some point that you never were searching for fame, you were searching for home because of all of the loss that you experienced. So you, you're very straightforward with, uh, an alcoholic father. And then you had.

Cam who actually adopted you and then that, how, how long did he stay in the home? 

Angie Mizzell: In the home five, seven years from dating my mom to marrying my mom to leaving, but they were married. He was in our house eight years old to 13. 

Joey Svendsen: There's a, there's a therapist on staff here and we were just talking and he was talking about a different situation, but he said that the problem for [00:11:00] all of us is that we try to meet a good need just in the wrong way, you know, so you, we all need a home.

We all need deeper connections. We all, we all need that. Was your search or was your void, was your being void of home due to the daddy situation, in and out sort of thing? Did it, did it also play into losing your grandmother in such a, you know, horrible time in your life? Like, why do you think the, the home was missing, that feeling of home?

Angie Mizzell: Well, you, you see in the early, pages of the book that there was this sense of home at my grandparents house. And, and that's why when Cam came into our life, I have a line where I say, I didn't even realize anything was missing until I find myself sitting at a dinner table with a mom and someone who can be my dad, 

and it just occurs to me, Oh, we're a [00:12:00] family. And. I want that. 

I just, it was more of a feeling I was going after. And so I do think that family unit falling apart. That was part of it, but then it was almost like several losses in a row. My, my grandparents die, Cam has left. My mom is finally starting to spin out a little bit because of her loss because there wasn't just alcoholism, there was abuse that she had never processed.

You know, this unprocessed trauma and grief. So all of this is happening while I'm being a teenager. I'm popular. I'm a cheerleader. I make good grades. Home coming 

Joey Svendsen: queen, homecoming queen. 

Angie Mizzell: No, but I was, 

Joey Svendsen: are you sour towards the girl that was, is she beat you just barely, 

Angie Mizzell: slightly, but she has such, she was a matron of my wedding and she deserved it.

She totally did. But I wanted to be homecoming queen. Did you really? Oh, yeah. [00:13:00] Oh, I'm 

Joey Svendsen: sorry for bringing that up. My bad Angie. 

Angie Mizzell: But my senior superlative was most school spirit. If that gives you any idea of the sort of energy I brought. to a space and I was filling the void. 

So, the key thing is, and this was hard to illustrate in the book, and I really had to dig in to what was going on with me, my career aspirations. Were developing and taking shape as my losses were compounding. Wow. And it really was this timing of deciding, you know, I was watching Nancy O'Dell, who went on to Entertainment Tonight.

She anchored a morning show here in Charleston when I was a senior. Not only was I watching her, people were saying, you could be like her. In the meantime, I was so lonely at home and I guess I, I, I look back on those times and I remember feeling lonely. But I just never stayed in that place. You know, I hung out with my friends.

Joey Svendsen: And it seems like it would have even been more confusing, like when you started to realize, okay, adjustments [00:14:00] need to be made.

I'm in it for reasons that I don't want to be in it for. But you're also so good at it. Did that conflict you a little bit more that you were so good and lauded and you know kind of a local celebrity 

Angie Mizzell: I, I'm just seeing this in my head now, like if you were to track it on a graph, starting out very green and inexperienced.

And then as my experience starts to rise. My desire to do it started to go down, and it did make it hard, because in the beginning So it was always hard, but in the beginning when I was making mistakes and I was so stressed, it was still a means to an end. I still had this goal and this vision of a life I was trying to attain, so I was paying my dues.

And then you do start to get better, and you start to gain credibility, and you actually start to feel like a grown up. Like, oh, I'm a real adult now. And then the desire to do it started to go down, it almost feels like a shame. It's like, wow, I've worked this hard and 

Joey Svendsen: Yeah.

Angie Mizzell: What has happened? 

Joey Svendsen: [00:15:00] Yeah. Yeah. 'cause and, and you, it's hard not to think about what other people are thinking about. For sure. You know, as far as like, this is, this was the trajectory of my life, and then all of a sudden I'm letting go of it and people asking questions and why and Mm-Hmm. , I thought this was what you were made for.

Yeah. And all of. 

Angie Mizzell: And I still get that sometimes. Do you miss it? And at this point, I'm like, no, 

Joey Svendsen: right. 

Yeah. So how do you do now, having gone through all of this, when it , like, I, I, someone told me this one time, it was so helpful, they said, it is none of your business what other people think about you. How do you navigate that now as a, I think you said 49 year old?

49? How do you navigate that? Because that's something that I don't know if we ever just completely overcome. Maybe some people do. I don't know. No, 

Angie Mizzell: I absolutely care what people think. Right. I really do. And so, how I've reconciled that later in life. Let's just use the book for the example. I mean, this is the most vulnerable thing I've ever done in my life. But not doing it was not an option.

Right. [00:16:00] I have received so much praise and I have not yet received the negative, but I know it's there. Or people read it and they don't get it. I had to just work through that and remember why I did it, who it's for. And I, I would be willing to have a conversation with anybody, you know, so what I started to realize is I'm actually scared that people are going to be downright mean, or that people I love or care about, that people will turn away from me.

And so I had to face once again, my fear of loss. But it's like, is my fear of loss. Going to keep me from walking my path. And I finally decided, no,

Joey Svendsen: yeah. And I think that I think that's where the growth is in. It's not whether or not I have overcome something. It's how quick is my response cycle to reframe it. 

It goes to that more healthy path. And that's how I am with money. Like I, every [00:17:00] time I worried about money, I had to slow down and be like, okay, Money is like when it comes to the most important things in this world, it's nothing I'm going to to be okay. That's not what's important. And now when I have like a money stressful thought.

It goes right to, oh, that's not, doesn't matter. Like, you know, I'm responsible with my money. I'm doing the best that I can. Outside of that, it's out of my control. 

Angie Mizzell: Right. 

Joey Svendsen: Yeah. Three more questions for you.

You'll know what I mean by this and I'll explain a little bit, but do you ever have any what if Memphis thoughts today, like, is that something that you, you know, for lack of better words will fantasize about? So would you consider Memphis the crossroads where that was the real beginning of you?

Not going the trajectory that you originally thought I mean that wasn't when you were sure of things by any means But do you see that as like a pretty significant juncture and not taking that 

Angie Mizzell: not taking that job in Memphis? Yes, it absolutely Set the [00:18:00] trajectory for my marriage and everything that we were going to do from that point forward.

When I was writing that scene, I, I did pause, and I, looking back, know every real part of me did not want to go. So actually I feel like, wow, that might have been the first exercise in me actually listening to my heart, but I have wondered, what if I was a little more healed.

Would it have been as difficult of a decision? Right. I think the only reason there's any what if is because I had so much work to do still that it's hard not to have a what if. Like, what if I had already done all that inner work? 

Joey Svendsen: It had to have been the most therapeutic thing, and I bet a lot of times in a good way and a lot of times in a good way, but it was hard just writing this book, revisiting all of that stuff. It was.

Up until writing the book, had you let Figured out how to have sympathy for little [00:19:00] Angie, like, have you found any health and being like, man, my heart breaks for young Angie, because I think of myself as a kid and some traumatizing things with the, the religious affiliation that I was in. And I, and I really feel bad for that little Joey that was carrying so much heavy religiosity. And I was way too young to be thinking that kind of stuff. So I feel, I feel bad for little Joey in a compassionate way.

It's kind of a weird deal, but have you connected with like your, your younger self and felt sympathy? 

Angie Mizzell: Yes, and it is a hard exercise because at first it feels a little weird, you know, and I don't know what, what are we doing? Yeah. And then, do you know, that is something that I'm still working on? But it is helping me stay strong.

in certain areas because I'm still learning how to be the advocate for the little girl who felt like everything was her fault, who felt [00:20:00] like it was her job to make people happy, to fix all the things, to be the peacemaker for the whole family, you know, to be the adult. I still have to remind myself even when things go wrong. Now, you didn't necessarily cause this, and then I have to stand up for the little girl. And if I did cause it, then I own up to stuff. But, yeah, and I think that is this next stage of work is becoming an adult that the child in me can actually count on.

Joey Svendsen: Angie now like let's just say you got famous now I would imagine that fame at a younger age like like we look at all these young stars and we're like how pathetic I can't believe you're doing such i'm like they're 21 years old and they just Inherited millions of dollars and more fame than it, you know, like how would you deal with that as a 21 year old?

Would fame intimidate you at this? Later stage in life as far as like, Oh, how do I [00:21:00] navigate this? Or do you think having gone through what you're what you've gone through? It would not be something that would be so challenging. Does that make sense? Because fame is just a challenging thing to navigate. 

Angie Mizzell: I think I don't know if any of us are wired at a soul level for fame.

So there is a part of me That's afraid of it and I like 

Joey Svendsen: that so you you think that you're not so sure Any of us are naturally wired to To vibe with fame except maybe like 

Angie Mizzell: dolly parton. She seems to be like I am famous And I know that's my responsibility. She almost carries that and how she interacts with other people But I think most of us have a hard time when we really realize.

Oh, you know People think I'm something and I'm still me. I think it's a lot of input, but so how I've, and I'm actually glad that it didn't happen when I was younger and I didn't rise to the level because I don't know if I could have handled it. I don't know if I published the book 10 years ago, if I could have handled it.

[00:22:00] I just have to stay grounded in what I want more than fame is you, you want to make an impact, right? You want to feel like if I've told this story, it's reaching who it's supposed to reach. But I don't know how to measure that because I used to say if one person tells me I was so moved by your book, well, I've gotten that.

So then it's like, okay, so now do I raise it to 10 people? You know, what, you know, what's enough? So I think I've decided that if I keep my motivation around, it's, it's about being in any opportunity I can to talk about my story and other people's stories, and let that ripple effect and become whatever it becomes.

If I just stay committed to that, then whatever comes of it, And if it is fame, whatever that means, but like a lot of people, a lot of eyeballs on me, then I'll just have to trust that I need to rise to that. Right. 

Joey Svendsen: For sure. I mean this sincerely that I, I don't. I will [00:23:00] never have navigated through all of the challenges of the human experience and so even things that I feel like I've come a long way with, uh, a long way in, there were many things in, in your book that was encouraging for me just to hear the truth that played out in your life and to be able to say, yeah, that's, that's That is what Angie's saying about her life.

These are universal truths that, you know, if we can walk through, I think all of us would be a lot deeper. So thank you for writing your story.

And thank you to Joey Svendsen for having me on his Things You Won't Hear on Sunday podcast, and for allowing me to share our conversation with you. If you'd like to hear our complete conversation, it's linked in the show notes, and if you'd like to connect with me, just visit my website at angiemizzell.com. There you'll find information about my memoir Girl in the Spotlight. You can send me a message and while you're there, sign up for my free weekly [00:24:00] newsletter. Hello, Friday.It's inspiration and encouragement delivered right to your inbox.

Thanks for listening to More Like You. We'll see you back here next Thursday.